how to train your husband

Did I get your attention from that title?  Ok, this certainly isn't a tutorial on how to train your husband but Mike and I had a funny situation happen the other day.

We go to the gym in the morning around the same time but he usually arrives around 30 minutes after me.  As I'm leaving, I usually go over to say bye and give him a smooch.  On this particular day, I just didn't feel too well so when I went to tell Mike goodbye, I mentioned that I didn't feel good.  Nothing is more irritating to me then a 'none response' and that is exactly what Mike did.  He just sort of looked at me and gave this half nod of acknowledgement.  I repeated that I wasn't feeling well thinking he didn't hear me and he gave me the same response.  Semi-jokingly, I rolled my eyes at him and left the gym.
Fast forward to that evening and I again, semi-jokingly said..."when I say I don't feel well, try saying something like Sorry to hear that babe or I hope you feel better."  We both laughed about it and he said something like, "how about when you want me to respond a specific way, you say I'm going to tell you I don't feel good and I would like you to tell me Sorry."  Ok, a semi-valid point actually.

Based on my experience (and the experience of many of my female friends), I have always been an advocate of telling your hubs/boyfriend exactly what you need from him.  I, personally, think it's ridiculous to give these weird, subliminal clues to your husband on how you want him to respond to you but don't actually tell him what you need.  Ladies - If you want your husband to ask how your day way, then tell him you want him to do that.  Ladies - If you want your husband to hug/hold you when you are feeling down(and not be Mr. Fix It), then tell him.  In my experience, it works quite well and men are generally pretty responsive to what you ask of him.  I'm not trying to insult a man's ability to read between the lines & play this guessing game women like to play because I know there are some men out there that probably play that game well.  Mike and I don't play that game very well so this is what works for us after 9 1/2 years together.

I remember getting into a discussion argument with Mike before we were married because he never asked me how my day was.  I asked him everyday so clearly he should know that he should ask me the same thing. (<~please tell me you know this assumption is ridiculous)  Honestly, since this discussion, I think Mike has asked me how my day was every day since.  Around that same time, I remember being at a friends house for dinner and Mike asked me how my day was.  Later on, a friend came up to me and said that she thought it was so nice that Mike asked how my day was.  Haha - I just giggled.

Does this process seem superficial?  Maybe a little bit at first because you know he's just asking how your day is because you told him too...but it actually evolves into something more meaningful and you start to learn a lot about each other.  :)

When I have friends tell me, "My husband/boyfriend doesn't do this or say that and it makes me so mad."  My first question is "Does he know you want him to do that or say that to you?"  In my experience, it really is that simple and so much less stressful and emotional then the guess why I'm upset game.

What do you think?  Does this work for you?  Do you tackle this issue a different way?

a memory

As Spring is upon us in New Mexico and we've been having the front door open more often, I keep thinking of a weather related memory from my younger days.

I went to a one room country school through 6th grade.  After I moved out of Nebraska and this fact came up in conversation, most were fascinated by the concept of attending a one room school house like I did.  Yup - I did and I would argue that half the attendees, at one point or another, were related to me(sister, brother, cousins).  It was so normal for me but I now realize how odd it probably does sound to people that did not grow up in that environment.

Anyway...back to spring and grade school.  I remember that we never wanted to wear our coats at recess so we got one time a day(I believe we could only call one a day because there was a cost) to call some weather hotline and if it was 60 degrees or higher than we could go out to recess with no coats on.

I generally don't have the best memory so someone...sister, cousin...can correct me if it was a different temperature.  So if my memory of 60 degrees is accurate, I can't help but think of these spring NM temps we are having and think, "60 degrees?"  Although it's beautiful, I think I've developed into a wimp...It's very unlikely I would leave my house now in 60 degree weather without a sweatshirt or light coat on.

Am I wimp or are kids just that tough??

(Added Bonus ~ so on that whole 'Kirsten's memory' issue...it's amazing what other's remember about our days growing up.  My friend Jen tells me things that happened in high school and I have no clue what she is talking about.  Does she have an abnormal memory by remembering such details or do I have the abnormal memory of not being able to remember such details?  Hmmmm...I wonder?!)

interesting facts above my love bug

And I don't mean Mike, I mean my adorable love bug Stuart...my cute little 6 year old shih tzu named Stuart ~>

1) When he wants attention, he will crawl right up into your lap and 'paw' at your face until you give him some attention.

2) He can sit upright on his butt with his front paws up(sort of like a prairie dog) for extended amounts of time.  Another ploy to get attention.

3) When I leave the house & Mike is still home(so Stuart is not put in his crate), he'll "attack" my ankles as I'm walking out the door.  After I shut the door, he'll run back to the table or couch and if I have any article of clothing out, he'll rip it off the back of the chair.(he doesn't really rip it but he'll violently pull it down onto the ground)

4) He sleeps in our bedroom at night, usually on our bed at our feet.  We usually have a fan and a humidifier running to drown out any noises so he doesn't yap in the middle of the night.  As you can imagine...middle-of-the-night-yapping is Mike's favorite way to wake up.  (yeah right!)

5) A few years ago at Christmas at my Mom's, we had an appetizer-type meal spread out on the dining table.(we were in the living room and the food was left by itself on the dining table)  Stuart made his way onto the dining table, not once but twice, and grabbed a chicken wing right before I was able to capture him.  This is what we call the 'naughty Stuart.'  It was funny at the time(at least to me & Mike) and it still cracks me up thinking about it.  For the record, we don't "allow" Stuart on our kitchen table...he was just naughty enough to figure it out that night at my Mom's.

6) He's deathly scared of clippers.  So much so that I cut his hair myself with scissors.  And you wondered why his haircut is always just a tiny bit uneven.  :)

7) He has destroyed two of Mike's leather belts and 'injured' a pair of Mike's boots.  Stuart actually doesn't chew on much aside from dog toys but sometimes he gets a hankering for leather apparently.  I felt bad about the first belt but I say the 2nd belt is Mike's fault because he left it where Stu could get it.  Obviously, Mike disagrees with this.

8) Stuart rules the roost and makes the rules.  If he wants something from Boulevard or Ranger, they will give it to him.

9) The house is generally pretty quiet during the day when I'm working but somehow Stuart knows when Mike is home because he'll start barking at the door 5-10 seconds before Mike even touches the door.  Then chaos ensues until Stuart gets his attention from Mike.

10) I cannot stand when people let their dog sit on their lap as they are driving a car.  It totally freaks me out and I feel it's so unsafe for not only the driver but also for me as a fellow driver.  Anyway, I had to train Stuart to stay off my lap and in the passenger seat or back seat when he was younger and now he doesn't even attempt it unless we are home and parked in the garage.  Amazing what you can train stubborn dogs to do.  :)

11) When we are staying with at my Mom's, Stuart will chase my Mom's dog Molly around the house to try to hump her.  Molly usually snaps/fights back.  No means no Stuart!!

12) I adopted Stuart from the humane society and was close to taking him back because he was so impossible in the beginning.  I mean SO IMPOSSIBLE that it put me in tears a few times.  One reason why he now sleeps in our bed...he would bark all.night.long from his crate when I first got him.

13) If it's warm outside(I wouldn't even go as far as saying hot outside) and we go on walks, when he's had enough, he's been known to sit down and not go any further.  I literally have to pick him up and carry him until he's ready to walk again.  Ridiculous! (but I guess he has me trained well, huh?)

I have definitely become a dog person as I've gotten older.  Dogs are a pain in the butt sometimes but can also shower you with all the love you need.  And I won't even get into their sense of loyalty.  I would honestly have more dogs if Mike would let me, if we lived in a bigger place with more land, & if it wasn't so expensive for someone to 'handle' them when we are on vacation.  Much to Mike's dismay, shih tzu's(and many small dogs) live long lives so I think Stuart will be around with his antics for many more years.  Yay for Kirsten!

Brave

A month ago, I published a post about various songs that resonate with me.  I have another one to share...

Brave by Sara Bareilles
click here to listen to it and then we'll discuss...crank up the volume because this is a good one!! (this is a good link because you can read the lyrics too)

Are you done?  How about now?

Ok - so the obvious...it's a beautiful melody, I love her voice, etc, etc.
As far as the lyrics and message - I just love it.  I get the impression that maybe the original intention of the message was to be more geared toward standing up for yourself and being brave in a tough relationship.  I relate it more to my job and life in general.  I'm reading a "career" book right now by Kate White called I Shouldn't Be Telling You This: Success Secrets Every Gutsy Girl Should Know.  I haven't finished it yet but one thing she discusses, specifically for women, is that we are afraid to voice what we want or voice our ideas because we want everyone to "like" us.  I just feel like this song really relates to that idea...Be Brave.  "You could be the outcast or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love...or you can start speaking up..."  Not everyone is going to like what you have to say but if you deliver your idea or thought professionally and respectfully, then be brave enough to do it!

I just recently downloaded the song to my iPhone and this morning I listened to this song on repeat for the entire hour I was at the gym.  It's just so motivating and we should be brave in anything we do.  The gym can be intimidating sometimes but we can be brave and attack it!  :)

"Show me how big your BRAVE is!"

I really love Sara Bareilles -- here are a few other songs of hers I enjoy:
I Choose You - I think of Mike every time I hear this song...it'd be a good wedding song.
King of Anything - Again, I think this one is geared more toward a troubled relationship but again the message is very universal.  Who cares if we disagree? No one should be telling you who you should be.

there's always a silver lining

I've been saying this phrase a lot lately…well…because…it's true!  There is always a silver lining.
We are going through some changes at work right now that make me feel a little uneasy/insecure but there's always a silver lining, right?  You can always, always, always find something positive in a tough situation.  Sometimes it's difficult to find but it's there.

When Stuart is a being a brat, it's tough to find the silver lining but he does comfort me and love me even if I have to yell at him.  He's with me during the tough times that Mike is traveling so I guess he's not always a brat face.  :)
Great example, don't you think?  In all seriousness, there is always a silver lining but sometimes you have to look for it.  Sometimes it's tough to find and, frankly, sometimes you only want to see the negative.  BUT, there is always a positive!

Have a great Saturday and go bring positivity to the world!  :)
Please share you silver lining examples in the comments.