how to train your husband

Did I get your attention from that title?  Ok, this certainly isn't a tutorial on how to train your husband but Mike and I had a funny situation happen the other day.

We go to the gym in the morning around the same time but he usually arrives around 30 minutes after me.  As I'm leaving, I usually go over to say bye and give him a smooch.  On this particular day, I just didn't feel too well so when I went to tell Mike goodbye, I mentioned that I didn't feel good.  Nothing is more irritating to me then a 'none response' and that is exactly what Mike did.  He just sort of looked at me and gave this half nod of acknowledgement.  I repeated that I wasn't feeling well thinking he didn't hear me and he gave me the same response.  Semi-jokingly, I rolled my eyes at him and left the gym.
Fast forward to that evening and I again, semi-jokingly said..."when I say I don't feel well, try saying something like Sorry to hear that babe or I hope you feel better."  We both laughed about it and he said something like, "how about when you want me to respond a specific way, you say I'm going to tell you I don't feel good and I would like you to tell me Sorry."  Ok, a semi-valid point actually.

Based on my experience (and the experience of many of my female friends), I have always been an advocate of telling your hubs/boyfriend exactly what you need from him.  I, personally, think it's ridiculous to give these weird, subliminal clues to your husband on how you want him to respond to you but don't actually tell him what you need.  Ladies - If you want your husband to ask how your day way, then tell him you want him to do that.  Ladies - If you want your husband to hug/hold you when you are feeling down(and not be Mr. Fix It), then tell him.  In my experience, it works quite well and men are generally pretty responsive to what you ask of him.  I'm not trying to insult a man's ability to read between the lines & play this guessing game women like to play because I know there are some men out there that probably play that game well.  Mike and I don't play that game very well so this is what works for us after 9 1/2 years together.

I remember getting into a discussion argument with Mike before we were married because he never asked me how my day was.  I asked him everyday so clearly he should know that he should ask me the same thing. (<~please tell me you know this assumption is ridiculous)  Honestly, since this discussion, I think Mike has asked me how my day was every day since.  Around that same time, I remember being at a friends house for dinner and Mike asked me how my day was.  Later on, a friend came up to me and said that she thought it was so nice that Mike asked how my day was.  Haha - I just giggled.

Does this process seem superficial?  Maybe a little bit at first because you know he's just asking how your day is because you told him too...but it actually evolves into something more meaningful and you start to learn a lot about each other.  :)

When I have friends tell me, "My husband/boyfriend doesn't do this or say that and it makes me so mad."  My first question is "Does he know you want him to do that or say that to you?"  In my experience, it really is that simple and so much less stressful and emotional then the guess why I'm upset game.

What do you think?  Does this work for you?  Do you tackle this issue a different way?

a memory

As Spring is upon us in New Mexico and we've been having the front door open more often, I keep thinking of a weather related memory from my younger days.

I went to a one room country school through 6th grade.  After I moved out of Nebraska and this fact came up in conversation, most were fascinated by the concept of attending a one room school house like I did.  Yup - I did and I would argue that half the attendees, at one point or another, were related to me(sister, brother, cousins).  It was so normal for me but I now realize how odd it probably does sound to people that did not grow up in that environment.

Anyway...back to spring and grade school.  I remember that we never wanted to wear our coats at recess so we got one time a day(I believe we could only call one a day because there was a cost) to call some weather hotline and if it was 60 degrees or higher than we could go out to recess with no coats on.

I generally don't have the best memory so someone...sister, cousin...can correct me if it was a different temperature.  So if my memory of 60 degrees is accurate, I can't help but think of these spring NM temps we are having and think, "60 degrees?"  Although it's beautiful, I think I've developed into a wimp...It's very unlikely I would leave my house now in 60 degree weather without a sweatshirt or light coat on.

Am I wimp or are kids just that tough??

(Added Bonus ~ so on that whole 'Kirsten's memory' issue...it's amazing what other's remember about our days growing up.  My friend Jen tells me things that happened in high school and I have no clue what she is talking about.  Does she have an abnormal memory by remembering such details or do I have the abnormal memory of not being able to remember such details?  Hmmmm...I wonder?!)

interesting facts above my love bug

And I don't mean Mike, I mean my adorable love bug Stuart...my cute little 6 year old shih tzu named Stuart ~>

1) When he wants attention, he will crawl right up into your lap and 'paw' at your face until you give him some attention.

2) He can sit upright on his butt with his front paws up(sort of like a prairie dog) for extended amounts of time.  Another ploy to get attention.

3) When I leave the house & Mike is still home(so Stuart is not put in his crate), he'll "attack" my ankles as I'm walking out the door.  After I shut the door, he'll run back to the table or couch and if I have any article of clothing out, he'll rip it off the back of the chair.(he doesn't really rip it but he'll violently pull it down onto the ground)

4) He sleeps in our bedroom at night, usually on our bed at our feet.  We usually have a fan and a humidifier running to drown out any noises so he doesn't yap in the middle of the night.  As you can imagine...middle-of-the-night-yapping is Mike's favorite way to wake up.  (yeah right!)

5) A few years ago at Christmas at my Mom's, we had an appetizer-type meal spread out on the dining table.(we were in the living room and the food was left by itself on the dining table)  Stuart made his way onto the dining table, not once but twice, and grabbed a chicken wing right before I was able to capture him.  This is what we call the 'naughty Stuart.'  It was funny at the time(at least to me & Mike) and it still cracks me up thinking about it.  For the record, we don't "allow" Stuart on our kitchen table...he was just naughty enough to figure it out that night at my Mom's.

6) He's deathly scared of clippers.  So much so that I cut his hair myself with scissors.  And you wondered why his haircut is always just a tiny bit uneven.  :)

7) He has destroyed two of Mike's leather belts and 'injured' a pair of Mike's boots.  Stuart actually doesn't chew on much aside from dog toys but sometimes he gets a hankering for leather apparently.  I felt bad about the first belt but I say the 2nd belt is Mike's fault because he left it where Stu could get it.  Obviously, Mike disagrees with this.

8) Stuart rules the roost and makes the rules.  If he wants something from Boulevard or Ranger, they will give it to him.

9) The house is generally pretty quiet during the day when I'm working but somehow Stuart knows when Mike is home because he'll start barking at the door 5-10 seconds before Mike even touches the door.  Then chaos ensues until Stuart gets his attention from Mike.

10) I cannot stand when people let their dog sit on their lap as they are driving a car.  It totally freaks me out and I feel it's so unsafe for not only the driver but also for me as a fellow driver.  Anyway, I had to train Stuart to stay off my lap and in the passenger seat or back seat when he was younger and now he doesn't even attempt it unless we are home and parked in the garage.  Amazing what you can train stubborn dogs to do.  :)

11) When we are staying with at my Mom's, Stuart will chase my Mom's dog Molly around the house to try to hump her.  Molly usually snaps/fights back.  No means no Stuart!!

12) I adopted Stuart from the humane society and was close to taking him back because he was so impossible in the beginning.  I mean SO IMPOSSIBLE that it put me in tears a few times.  One reason why he now sleeps in our bed...he would bark all.night.long from his crate when I first got him.

13) If it's warm outside(I wouldn't even go as far as saying hot outside) and we go on walks, when he's had enough, he's been known to sit down and not go any further.  I literally have to pick him up and carry him until he's ready to walk again.  Ridiculous! (but I guess he has me trained well, huh?)

I have definitely become a dog person as I've gotten older.  Dogs are a pain in the butt sometimes but can also shower you with all the love you need.  And I won't even get into their sense of loyalty.  I would honestly have more dogs if Mike would let me, if we lived in a bigger place with more land, & if it wasn't so expensive for someone to 'handle' them when we are on vacation.  Much to Mike's dismay, shih tzu's(and many small dogs) live long lives so I think Stuart will be around with his antics for many more years.  Yay for Kirsten!

Brave

A month ago, I published a post about various songs that resonate with me.  I have another one to share...

Brave by Sara Bareilles
click here to listen to it and then we'll discuss...crank up the volume because this is a good one!! (this is a good link because you can read the lyrics too)

Are you done?  How about now?

Ok - so the obvious...it's a beautiful melody, I love her voice, etc, etc.
As far as the lyrics and message - I just love it.  I get the impression that maybe the original intention of the message was to be more geared toward standing up for yourself and being brave in a tough relationship.  I relate it more to my job and life in general.  I'm reading a "career" book right now by Kate White called I Shouldn't Be Telling You This: Success Secrets Every Gutsy Girl Should Know.  I haven't finished it yet but one thing she discusses, specifically for women, is that we are afraid to voice what we want or voice our ideas because we want everyone to "like" us.  I just feel like this song really relates to that idea...Be Brave.  "You could be the outcast or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love...or you can start speaking up..."  Not everyone is going to like what you have to say but if you deliver your idea or thought professionally and respectfully, then be brave enough to do it!

I just recently downloaded the song to my iPhone and this morning I listened to this song on repeat for the entire hour I was at the gym.  It's just so motivating and we should be brave in anything we do.  The gym can be intimidating sometimes but we can be brave and attack it!  :)

"Show me how big your BRAVE is!"

I really love Sara Bareilles -- here are a few other songs of hers I enjoy:
I Choose You - I think of Mike every time I hear this song...it'd be a good wedding song.
King of Anything - Again, I think this one is geared more toward a troubled relationship but again the message is very universal.  Who cares if we disagree? No one should be telling you who you should be.

there's always a silver lining

I've been saying this phrase a lot lately…well…because…it's true!  There is always a silver lining.
We are going through some changes at work right now that make me feel a little uneasy/insecure but there's always a silver lining, right?  You can always, always, always find something positive in a tough situation.  Sometimes it's difficult to find but it's there.

When Stuart is a being a brat, it's tough to find the silver lining but he does comfort me and love me even if I have to yell at him.  He's with me during the tough times that Mike is traveling so I guess he's not always a brat face.  :)
Great example, don't you think?  In all seriousness, there is always a silver lining but sometimes you have to look for it.  Sometimes it's tough to find and, frankly, sometimes you only want to see the negative.  BUT, there is always a positive!

Have a great Saturday and go bring positivity to the world!  :)
Please share you silver lining examples in the comments.

a few highlights from our Caribbean cruise

I'll share pictures on another day but I wanted to share a few highlights from Mike's birthday trip.  My Dad always calls me after we return from vacation and the first question is always, "What was the highlight of the trip?"  Well, here are five highlights…

Highlight #1)  I think Mike and I would both agree that our stop in Roatan, Honduras was probably our best day for 'excursions.'  Oddly enough, we did separate excursions.  Haha!  Mike went diving(which I don't do…more on that in a moment) and I went to the 'Maya Key Private Island Retreat' for the day.  Doesn't it sound so exotic?  I sort of figured it really wasn't going to be a "private" island but it actually was.  It was a little windy that day so the 2nd cruise ship that was supposed to dock in Roatan didn't dock so there were about 50 people from my cruise ship on the entire island.  This island is also dedicated to rescuing animals so I got to see some cute animals and hear about their stories.  And I got to eat some local food, which was also delicious.  I relaxed, I walked, enjoyed the peace of the beach and water, I read my book…oh and also also got to hold an alligator.(picture to come later)

Highlight #2)  I am not certified to dive.  It honestly sort of freaks me out because if something goes wrong 50-75 feet under, what can you do?  Our last stop was in Costa Maya, Mexico and I decided to do a Discovery Dive, which is basically a quick course on diving and then they take you out for a shallow 25 foot dive.  The good thing about diving at 25 feet is that you can get to the surface without having to stop.  Well - I started going under the water and completely panicked.  I couldn't seem to keep my mask clear of water.  There were three of us and 2 instructors so I came up to the surface with one of the dive masters, she talked to me to calm me down and for about 5-7 minutes I just stared at her trying to relax and breath.  I was close to giving up but I knew I'd regret it.  I pulled myself together and was able to get down into the water, perform my 3 maneuvers(mask clearing, clearing my regulator, & taking the regulator out of my mouth, letting it go, & retrieving it).  Then we were off to explore.  I'm not sure if this experience convinced me to get certified or not but it was a great experience(and a challenging one) and we got to see a sea urchin, some colorful fish, a crab, & an electric stingray.

Highlight #3)  You'd never think that you could attend art auctions and buy art on a cruise ship but you can.  And they even have Picasso, Rembrandt, Yaacov Agam, Francisco Goya, Renoir, & other artists that most non-artsy people have heard of.  We attended a few auctions and ended up picking up a few pieces.  We've been on 3 cruises and every time we say we aren't going to buy more art, but we ended up buying.  I guess it's something we can leave to our…oh wait…we don't have kids.  Hopefully the nieces and nephews will appreciate it. :)  This time we picked up a Peter Max, a few Tim Yanke's, & an Emile Bellet.  We have also collected a Scott Jacobs piece and few Shan-Merry's but that was on the Alaskan cruise.  Even if you don't buy, art auctions are really fun and entertaining.  I love hearing the stories about the artists and the works of art.

Highlight #4)  David Naster was a comedian and performed twice on the cruise ship.  We laughed so-dang-hard.  His performances have really stuck with me because it wasn't just all about comedy, it was about real people dealing with difficult things and finding laughter/humor in those tough situations.  Here is a link to his teaser video for his hopefully future TV program.(<~please go watch this video because you'll better understand)  He told so many funny stories about real people finding laughter in difficult situations.  He also told stories about first-responders, law enforcement, & nurses/doctors…what they deal with and how they find humor in situations that many may deem "politically incorrect."  I could really relate to the law enforcement stories because there are so many times Mike will come home, tell me something happened that day(i.e. someone jumped off the Rio Grand Gorge bridge), and then he maybe laughs or tells me something funny about it.  I usually scold him and say, "That's so inappropriate Mike."  After listening to David, I feel like I have a better understanding of how & why Mike has to find humor in some of those tough situations.  Of course, someone committing suicide by jumping off a bridge is tragic but if Mike doesn't find a way to deal with it, then those incidents will just eat him alive.  We have to be 'ok' with finding humor in tough situations to keep our sanity.  Take a time out to laugh often, out loud, every day!

Highlight #5)  The National World War 2 museum is in New Orleans.  It is AWESOME!  I loved everything about this museum and how it was set up.  They are still developing it so I definitely want to go back when they have more done.

There's my highlights!  I'll post pictures next.  :)

music resonates with me

Vacation is over and I have intentions of doing a few blog posts on our Alaskan cruise (from last September - behind much?) and our most recent cruise to the Western Caribbean and our time in New Orleans.(we cruised out of New Orleans and stayed over for a few days after the cruise)  Maybe this weekend I'll dedicate some time to those posts.  For a few years now, we've been taking birthday trips so the Caribbean cruise was Mike's birthday trip.

Ok…now on to music…
Music is something that really resonates with me…it brings back memories, it motivates me, it makes me happy, it inspires me, I feel it can inspire change, the list can go on and one.  I was involved in band and choir when I was younger but I don't really feel like music meant to me at that time, what it does now.  I'm sure your next question is: "Can you give us some examples?"  Why, of course I can.  :)  Click on the song name and it will take you to a You Tube video of the song.(I don't necessarily love the videos of all these but I love the songs)  Grab a cup of tea because I encourage you to listen to all these songs!

I just really started listened to the words of the song Nothing More by The Alternate Routes and I love this song.  Listen to the words.  Isn't this the truth ~> "We are how we treat each other when the day is done.  We are how we treat each other and nothing more."  Can't this song teach us all of life lesson?  This song is just beautiful!

Roar by Katy Perry is a song that really motivates me when it comes to the gym or stressful times at work.  It makes me feel strong, powerful, and makes me feel like I can attack the world(in a positive way, of course).

I've talked about this one before on the blog but Thank God for Hometowns by Carrie Underwood is one that has brought me to tears many times.  As a person that moved away from their closest friends/family, this one really comforts me when I want my Nebraska peeps.  :)

The Lord Bless You and Keep You is a song from my high school days that is a song that anyone associated with my high school music program would know.  This is actually a video of a bunch of my high school alumni singing to our choir director at his last concert when he retired in 2012.  Sadly, I was not able to join this event since I live so far away but this video also makes me tear up.

Only You Can Love Me This Way by Keith Urban and My Little Girl by Tim McGraw bring me back to my wedding day.  My first dance with my husband and the father-daughter dance.

Same Love by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis is really a great song for this day and age, if you will.  It's probably long overdue and honestly, it amazes me how much discrimination/stereotyping still exists.  So dissappointing!  Think about this quote from Nelson Mandela ~> "No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion.  People must learn to hate, and if they learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than it's opposite." Stop with the "hate" of people of a different color, people of different sexual orientation, people of different religions, or people with a different background than yourself.

Those are just a few songs that have meaning to me.  How does music impact you?  Are there any songs/music that resonate with you?